Romance and Intimacy

One of the most common suggestions I give to couples trying to reconnect is to start dating again. However, many people have been out of the dating game so long they don’t know how to start or what to do.

For starters, if you are trying to reconnect, it may be difficult to just do the usual dinner and movie. Many couples will say the date is boring or they have nothing to talk about. They leave the date feeling frustrated and less close than they did before. In order to reconnect, your dates need a few compenents for the date to be successful. 1) Involve some level of risk; 2) Accomplish a task or goal together; 3) Come with a good attitude.

1) Involve some level of risk. There was a recent study done that showed that couples who engaged in something somewhat risky together for their first date felt higher levels of connectivity than couples who engaged in a mundane task. It doesn’t take much to be a little risky. You can try a new food or a unique activity you have never done before like tango dancing. The key to risk is just doing something out of the ordinary. This gives you new shared experiences to talk about as a couple.

2) Accomplish a task or goal together. Do something active rather than passive. Couples can go on a hike, learn a new dance, golf, bowl, or do anything else. The key is to pick an activity that so that if the conversation does get dull, you have something to preoccupy that time. Again, new shared experiences will lead to conversations down the road.

3) Come with a good attitude. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? It basically means that if you think something will be bad, it will turn out bad because you set yourself up to feel that way. Likewise, if you plan to have a good time, you will likely have a good time because you came in with a good attitude. The tip is to say to yourself, “No matter what happens, I am going to enjoy myself.” Some partners will even take turns planning their date nights. The person who plans chooses everything that happens during the night, gets the babysitter, and chooses things they would like to try. The person who doesn’t plan gets to enjoy it. The only way to do so is to come with a good attitude.

If you aren’t sure what there is to do, here are a few Great Date Escapes right here in St. Louis:

1) Go dancing at Dance Pizazz in St. Charles, Club Viva in Central West End, Wild Country across the river in Illinois, Ritz Carlton Lounge in Clayton, or Casaloma Ballroom in St. Louis. Each of these dance establishments offers a variety of dance styles including ballroom, salsa, line dancing, swing, and many other styles. Some also offer classes that teach you how to do the dances.

2) Go hiking, biking, swimming, horseback riding and/or picnic at one of the many State Parks including Babler State Park, Castlewood State Park, Busch Wildlife, Creve Coeur Park, Tower Grove Park and Forest Park.

3) Go listen to live music or see a performance at the St. Charles Riverfront, the Muny, the Funny Bone, the Improv Shop, Powell Symphony Hall, or various local bars. You can also perform the music yourself at a Karaoke Bar.

4) Try a unique restaurant and eat foods that you would never typically eat including Bosnian, Korean, Vietnamese, Lebanese, Indian, or any other ethnicity you have never tried. If you like the idea of cookinh, several spots allow customers to join an evening cooking class date night such as Schnucks and Dierbergs. You can also try cooking a unique dish at home as a project together.

5) Visit a unique part of town and explore everything that neighborhood has to offer. St. Louis is known for having unique carved out neighborhoods that each have their own character, history and architectural style. A few neighborhoods to explore include Kirkwood, Lafayette Square, Webster Groves, the Loop, Central West End, Soulard, Maplewood, Washington Blvd., Dogtown, the Hill, and many others. Take a day and explore the shops, the restaurants, and the local architecture. I like to go from restaurant to restaurant and order a small dish at multiple places.

Finally, no matter what you do, just make it priority. There are too many excuses couples have for skipping out on dates. If you really want to reconnect with your partner, stop giving excuses, and start making your love life a priority.